What is Family Violence?
In many Asian, African and Middle Eastern communities, family violence can often be disguised as “discipline”, “filial piety” or framed as a cultural norm. There is lack of understanding, openness and awareness of help available to families to overcome family violence. Young people who may be victims and/or witnesses of violence in their families, may not know who they can trust, speak to, or get help for fear of being abused.
Family violence includes all forms of violence perpetrated within your family or intimate relationships. It can be from parent to children, mother-in-laws to daughter-in-laws, husband to wife, partner to partner, sibling to sibling, uncle to niece, or abuse of grandparents. Family violence is not only physical abuse, it can be psychological, emotional, sexual, financial and spiritual.
Family violence is about power and control, not about love. It has been common across many cultures and disproportionately from men towards women, but anyone of any gender can be affected by family violence. One thing that is important to recognise is that violence comes in many forms and it is not always easy to immediately recognise it when it is not physical. Psychological and emotional abuse is just as harmful and needs to be taken seriously.
Family violence includes all forms of violence perpetrated within your family or intimate relationships. It can be from parent to children, mother-in-laws to daughter-in-laws, husband to wife, partner to partner, sibling to sibling, uncle to niece, or abuse of grandparents. Family violence is not only physical abuse, it can be psychological, emotional, sexual, financial and spiritual.
Family violence is about power and control, not about love. It has been common across many cultures and disproportionately from men towards women, but anyone of any gender can be affected by family violence. One thing that is important to recognise is that violence comes in many forms and it is not always easy to immediately recognise it when it is not physical. Psychological and emotional abuse is just as harmful and needs to be taken seriously.
It is not okay to...
- hit, slap or physically hurt someone when you are stressed/ upset
- shame or blame someone for making you angry
- use threats and intimidation to control or punish someone
- deprive children of a safe home with basic necessities like food, housing etc
- make someone feel worthless through verbal abuse
- force someone to do something beyond a person’s free will
Types of Abuse
Emotional abuse:
Making you feel small, insignificant, worthless through verbal abuse, controlling what you wear, eat, who you talk to, using jealousy as an excuse, silent treatment, ignoring you. Sexual abuse: Touching in a sexual manner without permission (kissing, grabbing, fondling). Any unwanted sexual activity including marital rape, rape, unwanted touching, any sexual activity from an adult with someone under 16 years old, being forced to watch pornography, knowingly exposing someone to sexually transmitted infections/diseases. Threats and coercion: Threats of deportation, disowning, forced marriage, suicide, self-harm, threats to harm you, threats to kill, threats to publicly expose secrets, private messages or photos. Economic: Not allowing you to study or work outside the house, controlling all the finances, stealing/spending your money without your consent or knowledge, getting into debt under your name, demanding money from you or your family. Physical abuse Use of weapons (sticks, knives, shoes), hitting, slapping, kicking, punching, starvation (depriving you of food or water), medical neglect (depriving you of access to medical care or medicine), biting, pushing, strangulation, throwing acid, force-feeding drugs or alcohol. |
Using religion:
Telling you that to be a “good” Christian/Muslim/Hindu etc. you must listen to the abuser or do things you may not want to do, making you think you will go to hell if you do not follow their rules, saying God is punishing you, justifying abuse through religion. Using isolation: Controlling what you do, reading your emails and texts, listening in on phone conversations, not allowing you to contact friends or family, talking badly about your friends so you stop hanging out with them. Using privilege: Treating you like a servant, influencing the community to pressure you to return to the abuser or accept the abuse, making you do all the house work and judging your work. Using intimidation: Making you feel scared through looks, threatening to harm your friends or other family members, destroying your things, surveillance (watching over you as you talk on the phone), installing cameras in the house to monitor you. Minimising, denying, blaming: Blaming you for the abuse, saying the abuse did not happen or it is not serious, making you question your own reality, making you feel crazy, denying that it is abuse. “If you cooked this properly, I wouldn’t have hit you.” |
Contact us
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National Youth Co-ordinator: [email protected]
Auckland Region Youth Co-ordinator: [email protected] |
phone |
0800 742 584 (0800 SHAKTI)
For non-urgent enquiries: 09 262 3848 |
address |
18 Manukau Station Road, Manukau Central, Auckland.
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